I need your advice. I’m a 19 year old guy and recently started my first real relationship at college - we’ve been going out a little over a month. She’s hot, nice, and fun to be around, but there’s one huge sticking point - she’s dumb. I’m not talking about a little slow; this is Carrot Top-dumb. It’s gotten to the point where I’m almost embarrased when she has a conversation with one of my friends because of the sheer idiocy.
Here’s the problem: I like her enough to overlook the stupidity and take the relationship for what it is, a light sex-filled adventure. My problem, however, is that she wants it to progress, to meet my parents, etc. I have no desire to let this happen. What should I do? Thanks!
DCB says,
If you are banging a hot girl I’m guessing you have at least some intelligence to make up excuses that are believable to a stupid 19-year-old.
“I don’t know if it’s a good idea to meet my parents because they made the last girl I took home cry.”
“They have come down with a mysterious illness and always have to wear respiratory masks. Conversations with them, as you can imagine, are awkward.”
“There is no way I would take a stupid whore such as yourself to visit my family.”
You get the idea. But think of the bigger picture and be smart: use the social proof you get with this hot one for an upgrade.
Kathryn says,
What should you do? You should be glad you’re only 19, otherwise I’d ream you for immaturity and insensitivity. Instead, I’ll just say, if you don’t want to let the relationship progress, and you don’t like her enough to have her around your friends and family, then maybe you should be getting sex elsewhere. She wants more, and you can’t give it. Let her go to find that elsewhere as well.
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Admit to yourself that while this girl may be fun she’s not a candidate for life partner. You’re using this girl for horizontal hijinx and arm candy. You can either man up and admit this to her so she can find herself something better or you can string her along for awhile. Let her meet your parents. Go meet hers. Tell her you love her and all that. Then when something better comes along dump her. Sure, her feelings might be hurt more if you wait all that time and make her think you care about her, but her feelings don’t seem to be a concern for you.
If I’m wrong and her feelings do matter then you can string her along for a few years and then fake your death. Start telling her about your heart problems and fake the occasional chest pain so the sudden heart attack on graduation day is more convincing.
A warning: Keep control of your own birth control. Buy your own condoms and keep them secure at all times. No matter what she says about her own precautions you have to assume she’s lying. You don’t want her to “oops” you so you get saddled with a baby.
While I don’t want to be a dick by suggesting this, it seems like you have an easy answer to your problem.
She is dumb. You can use any and all excuses such as those suggested by DCB and get away with it. I think probably the best one is the following (obviously you must have a brother/sister or cousins):
Something to the extent of your parents got really attached to brother/sister’s gf/bf and things didn’t work out. They were heartbroken. While you like this girl, you had decided you wouldn’t introduce to parents until things were at engagement stage or some other bs.
Ibid also gives good advice. Dumb girls are the ones who want to be your baby’s mama.
Comment by Obvious Answer on 11/01/06.
isnt this a dumb question?
Comment by p on 11/01/06.
I wasn’t even thinking of dumb girls. I’ve seen many high IQ women pull the same shit. It’s more of a “my man is slipping away” thing.
All proper disclaimers apply. While most women won’t pull this crap it’s only prudent to cover your ass.
Since you’re only 19 you haven’t learned to dump her and sleep with her other equally stupid friends by this point.
As far as the parents, I don’t know… have you told her you love her? If you have then you’re screwed, dump her or have her meet the fockers. Besides, it’s really just your mom that would be upset, right? Your dad will be too busy staring at her perky tits to give you the slap on the back of approval you long for.
Comment by Single Senator on 11/01/06.
If you’ve only been in a relationship for a month then you could easily say it’s far too soon, especially if you don’t see your parents that often. There are plenty of people around who don’t even tell their parents about a new partner for the first month, let alone introduce them.
I think you are grossly exaggerating the horrors her actually meeting your parents, too. You’re only 19, just one month into a relationship, and nobody expects you to settle down at this stage. You’re not going to be ostracized over a dumb girlfriend - by friends or family. She’s the one being stupid, not you. It’d be much worse if she was wierd.
Just enjoy the relationship while you’re in it and call it off if she demands more commitment than you’re prepared to give.
Besides, if this girl does meet your parents, then it’ll make introducing future girlfriends much easier - they’ll probably be so glad she’s not as daft, they won’t be so busy looking for other flaws.
Comment by MikeyK on 11/01/06.
Tell her that your parents are both professors of philosophy and will grill her, as they have done to friends of yours in the past, on the meaning of life, identity formation, the relationship between politics and ethics, some other abstract philosophical notion.And if they don’t agree with her analysis, they won’t like her and will make her leave.
Comment by quinn on 11/01/06.
I like DCB’s answer and my girl likes Kathryn’s.
Comment by Chaco on 11/01/06.
Enjoy the ride dude, you’re only 19 and girlfriends will come and go. Perhaps, if you’ve lasted to the holidays, a weekend get together might be in order, if only to prevent your eyes from going cross from a lack of sex, then you’ll have an excuse to meet the fockers.
