Comments on: The other girlfriend: dealbreaker or no? http://www.firstdatedc.com/2006/11/the-other-girlfriend-dealbreaker-or-no "but seriously, when should i call?" Fri, 30 Jul 2010 14:52:25 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.1.3 By: Anonymous http://www.firstdatedc.com/2006/11/the-other-girlfriend-dealbreaker-or-no#comment-11220 Anonymous Wed, 29 Nov 2006 15:06:41 +0000 http://www.firstdatedc.com/2006/11/the-other-girlfriend-dealbreaker-or-no#comment-11220 no comment from roosh? no comment from roosh?

]]> By: Ibid http://www.firstdatedc.com/2006/11/the-other-girlfriend-dealbreaker-or-no#comment-11222 Ibid Wed, 29 Nov 2006 15:43:32 +0000 http://www.firstdatedc.com/2006/11/the-other-girlfriend-dealbreaker-or-no#comment-11222 You don't get over it. I've known guys who remained faithful while the girlfriend left for a year. However, those stories are heavily outweighed by the number of stories where one or the other goes off to school and they break up. Be paranoid. Odds are excellent that he'll find someone else in grad school. You don’t get over it.
I’ve known guys who remained faithful while the girlfriend left for a year. However, those stories are heavily outweighed by the number of stories where one or the other goes off to school and they break up.
Be paranoid. Odds are excellent that he’ll find someone else in grad school.

]]> By: quinn http://www.firstdatedc.com/2006/11/the-other-girlfriend-dealbreaker-or-no#comment-11225 quinn Wed, 29 Nov 2006 18:25:18 +0000 http://www.firstdatedc.com/2006/11/the-other-girlfriend-dealbreaker-or-no#comment-11225 The first sign of a player: when they "sweep you off your feet." A guy only learns how to do that from having lots and lots of practice. Second, and just as important if not more...the fact that he lies not only to you, not only to his other girlfriend, and not only to himself, but the fact that he lies to his parents. You learn a great deal based on how someone treats their parents (specifically, how guys treat their mothers). He clearly has no conscience. And without that, a person feels no remorse for anything. Is that the kind of person you want to be with? And, you are correct in that people are not always exclusive from the beginning. BUT...he was with her for a year and was cheating on her when he was exploring something new with you. If he was committed to her and still cheated, what is to stop him from doing this to you in the future? This wasn't a moment of weakness, a single slip up. This was a habit of his that required planning and money and intricate storytelling/lies. And if you can't keep him from cheating on you when he is in the same city as you, do you really think he'll stay faithful when he is away at grad school? If your version of someone being "pretty damn close" to perfect as cheating on a girlfriend of a year, lying to a bunch of people and honestly thinking he can get away with it all, then I don't know what to tell you. The first sign of a player: when they “sweep you off your feet.” A guy only learns how to do that from having lots and lots of practice.

Second, and just as important if not more…the fact that he lies not only to you, not only to his other girlfriend, and not only to himself, but the fact that he lies to his parents. You learn a great deal based on how someone treats their parents (specifically, how guys treat their mothers). He clearly has no conscience. And without that, a person feels no remorse for anything. Is that the kind of person you want to be with?

And, you are correct in that people are not always exclusive from the beginning. BUT…he was with her for a year and was cheating on her when he was exploring something new with you. If he was committed to her and still cheated, what is to stop him from doing this to you in the future? This wasn’t a moment of weakness, a single slip up. This was a habit of his that required planning and money and intricate storytelling/lies. And if you can’t keep him from cheating on you when he is in the same city as you, do you really think he’ll stay faithful when he is away at grad school?

If your version of someone being “pretty damn close” to perfect as cheating on a girlfriend of a year, lying to a bunch of people and honestly thinking he can get away with it all, then I don’t know what to tell you.

]]> By: Ashburnite http://www.firstdatedc.com/2006/11/the-other-girlfriend-dealbreaker-or-no#comment-11226 Ashburnite Wed, 29 Nov 2006 18:31:27 +0000 http://www.firstdatedc.com/2006/11/the-other-girlfriend-dealbreaker-or-no#comment-11226 Kathryn's right- he's a liar. get away from him. It may be hard, since you have feelings for him, but if he was dating someone else at the time (who probably thought she was the only one as well), and also dating you, then he was cheating. The moment you meet the parents, or say "I love you," you are in a committed relationship. Even if it wasn't verbally established. He was cheating on both you and the other girlfriend. Once a cheater, always a cheater. Get out before he hurts you even worse. Kathryn’s right- he’s a liar. get away from him. It may be hard, since you have feelings for him, but if he was dating someone else at the time (who probably thought she was the only one as well), and also dating you, then he was cheating. The moment you meet the parents, or say “I love you,” you are in a committed relationship. Even if it wasn’t verbally established. He was cheating on both you and the other girlfriend. Once a cheater, always a cheater. Get out before he hurts you even worse.

]]> By: jamy http://www.firstdatedc.com/2006/11/the-other-girlfriend-dealbreaker-or-no#comment-11227 jamy Wed, 29 Nov 2006 18:52:58 +0000 http://www.firstdatedc.com/2006/11/the-other-girlfriend-dealbreaker-or-no#comment-11227 He knew you thought things were exclusive, right? That means it was his responsibility to tell you he was still seeing someone else. It's good that you recognize that he did not treat his girlfriend of one-year well--but why can't you see that he didn't treat you well either? I agree with everyone else: run far, far away. He is not worth forgiving. He knew you thought things were exclusive, right? That means it was his responsibility to tell you he was still seeing someone else. It’s good that you recognize that he did not treat his girlfriend of one-year well–but why can’t you see that he didn’t treat you well either?

I agree with everyone else: run far, far away. He is not worth forgiving.

]]> By: aw http://www.firstdatedc.com/2006/11/the-other-girlfriend-dealbreaker-or-no#comment-11228 aw Wed, 29 Nov 2006 18:58:04 +0000 http://www.firstdatedc.com/2006/11/the-other-girlfriend-dealbreaker-or-no#comment-11228 I cannot reconcile these statements at all: >>> but also what irks me, is that it doesn’t show much respect for someone he dated for more than a year. >>> do i write it off as nobody’s perfect (and that he’s pretty darn close?) Break the cycle and figure out how *you* want to be treated, then go for that. I cannot reconcile these statements at all:

>>> but also what irks me, is that it doesn’t show much respect for someone he dated for more than a year.

>>> do i write it off as nobody’s perfect (and that he’s pretty darn close?)

Break the cycle and figure out how *you* want to be treated, then go for that.

]]> By: Cob http://www.firstdatedc.com/2006/11/the-other-girlfriend-dealbreaker-or-no#comment-11230 Cob Wed, 29 Nov 2006 19:26:41 +0000 http://www.firstdatedc.com/2006/11/the-other-girlfriend-dealbreaker-or-no#comment-11230 Seriously, did you need to write in to get an answer? Some people respect themselves more than others I suppose. Too bad DCB wasn't here to offer his advice. Would loved to have seen his reply to this one. Seriously, did you need to write in to get an answer? Some people respect themselves more than others I suppose.

Too bad DCB wasn’t here to offer his advice. Would loved to have seen his reply to this one.

]]> By: burned http://www.firstdatedc.com/2006/11/the-other-girlfriend-dealbreaker-or-no#comment-11233 burned Wed, 29 Nov 2006 20:41:01 +0000 http://www.firstdatedc.com/2006/11/the-other-girlfriend-dealbreaker-or-no#comment-11233 just bought a pair of nikes, thank you kathryn! looks like i also need some friends to slap me in the face... just bought a pair of nikes, thank you kathryn! looks like i also need some friends to slap me in the face…

]]> By: lion http://www.firstdatedc.com/2006/11/the-other-girlfriend-dealbreaker-or-no#comment-11235 lion Wed, 29 Nov 2006 21:31:50 +0000 http://www.firstdatedc.com/2006/11/the-other-girlfriend-dealbreaker-or-no#comment-11235 You can't fix the pain inflicted on you by your last boyfriend and girlfriend by sticking with a liar and cheat. You can’t fix the pain inflicted on you by your last boyfriend and girlfriend by sticking with a liar and cheat.

]]> By: Chaco http://www.firstdatedc.com/2006/11/the-other-girlfriend-dealbreaker-or-no#comment-11237 Chaco Thu, 30 Nov 2006 00:05:43 +0000 http://www.firstdatedc.com/2006/11/the-other-girlfriend-dealbreaker-or-no#comment-11237 For a casual relationship, it's technically ok for him to sleep with someone else if you have not officially requested monogomy. But for a more serious relationship, this is no longer acceptible, especially if he knew you were assuming exclusivity. Moreover, it's not cool that he lied about it. But there is one possible way you could forgive him. If his seeing the other girl was only at the very begining of the relationship and once he deicded he wanted to be with you only he dropped her and has been 100% faithful with you since. In this case, he technically didn't break any rules and plenty of girls start something with a new guy before that leave an old guy, so it's a time honored tactic of both genders to find a replacement before dumping someone. This is not to say you *should* forgive him. That's your call. If you will never feel right about him again and this will haunt you for the rest of the relationship, then it's probably best to end it. For a casual relationship, it’s technically ok for him to sleep with someone else if you have not officially requested monogomy. But for a more serious relationship, this is no longer acceptible, especially if he knew you were assuming exclusivity. Moreover, it’s not cool that he lied about it.

But there is one possible way you could forgive him. If his seeing the other girl was only at the very begining of the relationship and once he deicded he wanted to be with you only he dropped her and has been 100% faithful with you since. In this case, he technically didn’t break any rules and plenty of girls start something with a new guy before that leave an old guy, so it’s a time honored tactic of both genders to find a replacement before dumping someone.

This is not to say you *should* forgive him. That’s your call. If you will never feel right about him again and this will haunt you for the rest of the relationship, then it’s probably best to end it.

]]> By: quinn http://www.firstdatedc.com/2006/11/the-other-girlfriend-dealbreaker-or-no#comment-11238 quinn Thu, 30 Nov 2006 03:11:18 +0000 http://www.firstdatedc.com/2006/11/the-other-girlfriend-dealbreaker-or-no#comment-11238 If you have to ask the advice of strangers online...uhh, well...its probably a good time to cut him loose. If you have to ask the advice of strangers online…uhh, well…its probably a good time to cut him loose.

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