Type A + Type A = scheduling fun!
Anon writes,
Super busy mid-30’s gal meets even more busy late-30’s guy via match.com. Chemistry evident, flirting ensues, they begin with a few dates which stretch out over a month due to scheduling difficulties. Both travel extensively (2+ weeks a month) for work and the nature of both their careers (especially his) is that they are expected to be responsive and available pretty much 24/7. So lots of cancellations and rescheduling.
Gal is horny and just wants to get it on and offers NSA fuck buddy relationship figuring schedules would never allow for a “real” relationship. Guy says no, he wants a “real” relationship pointing out age, mutual desire to eventually settle down and have kids, etc. Guy indicates that he’s falling very hard for gal. Gal likes guy so agrees to give relationship a shot.
Three months later…Gal is totally frustrated by guy’s lack of availability (always due to work) and spotty communication. He’s frustrated as well as this is the first time that he’s had to work around someone else’s schedule than his own. At this point, both have made significant emotional investments into the relationship (the M word came up recently in discussion). Neither party is going to be able to change their schedules (he’s military and she’s political) and both are very successful and committed to their careers (she through Nov. elections, at least).
Knowing that for the foreseeable future, meeting up will be a hit or miss proposition (haven’t physically seen each other in almost 4 weeks), is this relationship worth pursuing?
DCB says,
I love the irony in questions like this. These two people educated themselves and sacrificed a lot of leisure time to make enough money so they can raise a successful family. Then they finally meet the ideal person, but, wait, that career thing is still ongoing. Now it’s all about the career; relationships suffer and the kids thing doesn’t really pan out. As long as both of you stay blindly committed to your careers, you deserve to be lonely. If you can’t make this work with someone you really like, you will never be able to make it work. Freeze your eggs.
Kathryn says,
Do you love each other? Does he make you happier than anyone has ever made you? Do you honestly see yourself married to him, having his babies, growing old with him, reveling in each other’s successes, and forsaking all others ’til death do you part? Because if yes, MAKE IT WORK.
Whose career can be moved/changed with the least negative impact on the relationship? Can he retire from the military and move into consulting? Can you retire from active political work and move into consulting? Something? Fight for it if it’s what you truly want. If you can’t find the fight, I don’t think you want it.
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